Our Separation

Posted October 18th, 2010 by Dr. Jerry Montgomery

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by Jerry Montgomery

(Eric’s father)

 

I speak of a bond,
knowing in my heart it once was.
Yet never again will I feel this bond.
This I fear.

I am in my old age now,
with a well-seasoned understanding
of the preciousness of life.
Yet, I know, no matter how great
my successes and failures in life,
this void only can be filled by one.

He left with words, angry words,
not once reflecting
on what had come to pass.
A darkly colored view perhaps,
but an honest view none-the-less,
and one he used to move away
abandoning his roots, the past and me.

The scars left my in heart are deep,
as if canyons were opened.
Now time acts like the wind and rains
constantly eroding and
changing our memories
of what was and what wasn’t.
Yet back then, when we needed to,
we could not move enough mountains,
to fill these canyons between us.

My scars,
the years of silent pain,
can be erased
by the simplest of things.
A warm embrace,
perhaps more than one.
A touch,
a touch so he can say “I’m OK.”
A look,
a look to say, maybe, just maybe,
that “I am your son,
and I’ve come home.”

Each day my eyes
are filled with tears,
reminding me just how much,
how much he really is missed,
and maybe even needed,
needed at those many moments
of the despairs and joys
that fill daily life.
For I know it is because of him
that I still wait
to tell him once again
he is still loved,
that my love never stopped
even in the rain of angry words.

To think that life could truly
be as one alone, is to be a fool.
Each life begins alone
and each life ends alone.
Yet as the years have passed,
I’ve learned that deep within my soul
life itself is much to the contrary.
It is not being alone,
we never are!
We could not exist,
I’ve learned, without one another.

I speak not aloud of this,
not to another soul,
for it is within my being that I cry,
it is my soul that weeps.
My soul can never be complete
without him,
without the love
between a father and son.

So in the silence of night
I continue to fear,
to fear that I may never know
if our bond can be restored,
even if we both work at it,
to the long lost
innocence of childhood.

Yet, I will always love him
even past the boundaries of my grave.
My son, I love you.

 

Dedicated to Eric William Montgomery,
The Computer Guy of Lewes, Delaware,
who is my son and
of whom I am immensely proud.

Copyright © 2010
Gerald W. Montgomery
All rights reserved

 

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